A Great Day!

I had a wonderful day yesterday! I went to this beautiful Rooftop Lounge/Restaurant called 230 Fifth, that I have been wanting to go to for a long time! It had such a romatic aura to it! Candles, beautiful lighting, and great food! The person that I went with made it even better!

She's scared

She's scared
She doesn't know why she feels that way
Its something about him that makes her stomach flip
heart flutter
head feel light
That makes her hesitate
Why?
He asks?
Why?
Its because of the way he makes her feel so beautiful every time he looks into her eyes
And the way he makes her feel like she's flying when he kisses her neck
And the way he touches her in all the right places that it makes her body tingle
So why is she so scared?
Maybe it's the way she is so in love with him that she thinks that if it's not perfect he will slip away?
Maybe its because she's scared of her heart being broken?
She scared
But she doesn't no why she feels that way

Written for my first love 6 years ago.....

Haunted

I feel like i'm being haunted by the life I left behind
just when it starts to get good
the same thoughts creep back into my head
your fat....your ugly.....youll never be good enough...no one will ever love you!!!!
I wish i could control it but I cant
I cant stop the pain
I cant hide from my past....
Im trying to be good now
but the memories keep coming back
blood
smoke
tears
gunshots
screaming
evil
all coming back to me
in my thoughts....
in my dreams.....
cant seem to get rid of it
cant seem to surpress it
It wont leave..... no matter how far i go

Its been a long time!

I know its been a long time since i last blogged! I have been working so hard these past couple months! I even got a promotion! and a raise! Which is pretty good for 4 Months in a company! There have been a lot of things I have learned in the past couple of months.....

1. Trust NO ONE!
I have realized that no matter how much you think you can trust someone they can always break that trust and use it against you.
"Only trust thyself, and another shall not betray thee.” -william Penn

2.dont let anyone tell you your not good enough because in the end you always are!-Janae

3.Value Your friendships,Thats something I failed to do when I was in North Carolina. I never took the time out to call and check on them and to see how there life was going, I was always worried about all my problems, always thinking of myself. Now I wish I had those friends with me here:(

4.Work hard! It always pays off so way or another!
“A dream doesn't become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work.”-Colin Powell

5.There is still some kindness leftthe world! The other day my sister had lost her wallet on her way to church. had everything in it (wallet, credit cards, debits card, money, social security card,etc.. she was so distrought because she would have to pay money she didnt have to get everything restored.....two days later she gets a fedex in the mail with her wallet! A lady had found the wallet in the mail and was kind enough to mail it to her. The lady didnt have to pick up the wallet and go out of her way to fedex it but she did it out of the kindness of her heart!.....I wish more people were that way!

6. Fight for what you want! Never back down.....dont stop until you get your intended result!

7. I dont need a man to make me happy. I always felt like I needed a boyfriend, but being single for the past few months has taught me alot about my self, showing me things that I never knew. I becoming stronger and stronger everyday.

I also met a guy! He is definately not the usual of guy that I date. He is so different and exciting and breath of fresh air!! Even if it never went passed friendship, I would always value his friendship. He just has this positive auror that is so refreshing and makes me want to do more.

I'm the shit!!!!

Ok! So I'm feeling my self right now!!! I got a Job!!! A job that I actually like! Is so hard! It's worth it though because I have great co-workers.Working is actually making me feel better about my self, because when I wasnt working, I felt like shit, I felt like I had no purpose what so ever, and I will find out in september whether or not I'm going to school this semester(cross your fingers). I cant wait till I can go about my BUSINESS!! Not having to worry about anything!!! I'm starting to not worrie about guys that much anymore! I know, finally. The only reason why i was really worried about them was because of my break-up, plus the fact that I'm in a totally different state, and have no friends and I was feeling like I NEEDED some one. But now I realize that I'm the SHIT

Destined to be single!

Ok....so i dont really like anyone im talking to at the moment! either their to sensitive, dumb as a box of rocks, ugly or old as hell!! Whats up with that?

To be or not to be?

WELL I JUST MET THIS GUY!!! I KNOW YOU GUYS ARE LIKE ANOTHER ONE!! BUT I THINK ITS FOR REAL THIS TIME, HE SEEMS REALLY GENUINE ABOUT HIS FEELINGS, BUT I THINK HE IS FALLING FOR ME TO FAST!!! HE'S GETTING ME ALL EXCITED ABOUT HIM AND I FEEL LIKE WHEN HE GETS TO KNOW ME MORE HE WONT FEEL THE SAME, THEN ILL BE LEFT FEELING DUMB, BUT WE WILL SEEN ONLY TIME WILL TELL.......