Fantasize

The most beautiful song ive ever heard!

Closer to my Dreams

I know absolutely did not want to move to NY at first, but now i feel like i made the right choice!!! I feel like i have a better outlook on life now!! It seems so much clearer!! I got a job!! Even though it not the best, its still something and it will help me get where i need to be, closer to my dreams.

Peace Of Mind

“Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming.”



I'm sitting here wondering if i will ever find peace of mind. Will my mind ever be free of all this pain, stress and anxiety? I'ts like I cant go through the day without something crazy happening adding to my list of stress. I just want one day where i can be happy and not think about anything, and my mind could be free!!! I started looking up on the internet on how to find peace of mind and here is what i came up with and my opinion on each rule.

10 commandments of Peace of mind

1.Dont interfer in other peoples business!

I feel like this is so true, i feel like sometimes im so wrapped up in other peoples problems i cant even think about my self!!!

2.Forgive and forget!

Ive actually been doing this very well lately, I used to hold grudges forever but as a get older i realize that its not worth it and not healthy to hold all this hate and animosity in your heart. "Live and Let Die"

3.Do Not crave for recognition!

i dont think that i crave for recognition? but sometimes i do want people to know who i am? kinda of confused about this one!

4.Do Not be jealous!!!

i understand this!! but how can you help it sometimes, i dont want to be jealous of people but i feel like it just comes out of me sometimes, i know if i stopped being jealous of people it would take alot off of my mind.

5.change your self according to the environment!

???no Idea how that will help???

6.Endure what cannot be cured!!

"god will it so, so be it"

7.Do not bite more that you can chew!!

I tend to do that alot but i cant help it!!! I feel like i dont know my limitations, i dont know what i cant handle.

8.Mediate Regularly!!

I have tried to so hard to meditate!! For some reason i can never clear my mind, i always have all these crazy thoughts running through my mind! It's hard to just concentrate on one thing when i have all of these problems.

9.Never leave the Mind vacant!!

" An empty mind is the devil's playground"

10.Do not procrastonate and never regret!!

Procrastination is one of my biggest flaws!! I do it all the time, even with this blog! If i wouldn't have procrastinated so much my life would be totally different!

Regret: it haunts me everyday! I wish i could take back so many things but i need to move on and start fresh and forget about the past.

Fuck em

"Fuck em"Im so much deeper than you. I deserve the best, since thats all I will give you. But you can never understand. Just stop for a minute, slow down. Think about what your doing, your headed towards the ground. Will you ever be ready to handle what comes with me... I want it extra personal, and extra spiritual. I want us to have that understanding you usually only have between you and yourself. At first I thought that I should change,but its not me, its you. Heartbroken I may be, the pain of lies and deciet. I still stand strong, because I know whats good for me. Not you, but me! I learned not to depend on anyone but myself, Though at the same time, I cant seem to escape this lonely feeling inside. It feels like I have been put out into the rain. I know that you must go through the rain before you can see the rainbow... But where does my rain end, does it end? Will I ever see the rainbow? I still hope that there is someone out there to aid to my trampled heart. Someone who will love me for who I am and keep his promise that he will always be my man. Only time will tell, but I know that right now I feel like im in jail. All I see is the same thing day in and day out, nothing that ever amazes me. I have yet to find that one thing that cheers me up inside. But what can I say? What can I do? What will he say? what will he do? How should I know that this one is true. All the rest used to say " I love you" but they were lieing just like every other dude. Im looking for that one who just lifts me up inside, never makes me cry. Tells me im his angel sent from above, and never heisitates to show me his affection and love. There is only one person out there for me.... is that you?"

by MizzUnderstood

I absolutely love this poem!!!! I feel like i can relate to it 100%

Hurt

I feel so hurt right now! I feel like ive wasted a whole year of my life!!!! I've been with my BF for one year, ive spent probably 345 days with him out of 365 days!! We have been through so much, but he has a son, a wonderful son, but a crazy baby moma!!! Now i usually stay away from guys that have kids, not because of the kids(because i love them) but because of there crazy mothers!!! I cant even have a good day without her acting crazy!! But now since im in NY and he is in NC its gotten even crazier!!!! I come home to day and get on my facebook and this is the message in my Inbox:

hey....im sorry to come at u like this but me and shaunte are getting back together and she feel insecure about me and u...so i dont know if i can talk to u no more.

Then I go to his page and this is the facebook status:

got alot of stuff on my mind....idk if i should work it out with my baby mama or stay with janae....i love u girl but i love her too

But then i realize that this isnt even the way he talks!!!!!
So I call his grandmother and aunt, and they tell me that she broke into his email and facebook account somehow and changed it all up!!!!

Then i found out she went crazy today and took his son away and scratched up his face!!!

I dont know what to do? should i break up with him or what? Is he worth all this drama?